- Putting Criminals Back On The Street Since 1918
Crooked Criminal Defense Attorneys Ready to Help YOU
Crooked Counsel & Co.
Where Ethics Go to Die and Fees Multiply!
Over
Our Motto: 'Cash Talks, Criminal Walks
Why Be Honest When You Can Be Not Guilty?
About Us
The 'Get Out of Jail' Card Experts
Welcome to Crooked Counsel & Co. LLP, where we proudly embrace our crooked roots in the world of legal tomfoolery. Founded on the principle that justice can be a bit bendy, we specialize in taking morality for a wild ride on the slippery slope of the legal system. With decades of experience in twisting words, facts, and the truth itself, our team of morally ambiguous attorneys is committed to providing you with the most creatively dubious defense money can buy.
At Crooked Counsel & Co., we believe that innocence is overrated, and honesty is for suckers. Our esteemed lawyers have mastered the art of tilting the scales in your favor, no matter how far they need to tip. So, if you find yourself facing the wrong side of the law, remember, we’re here to make sure you get away with it – as long as your check clears. Join us in our quest to redefine justice, one shady case at a time, and remember: when it comes to legal representation, we’re not just good; we’re creatively unscrupulous.
Why Choose Crooked Counsel & Co. LLP?
Win or Lose, We Still Get Our Fee
At Crooked Counsel & Co., our motto is simple: 'Win or Lose, We Still Get Our Fee.' We're here to remind you that in the world of shady legal tactics, our payday is guaranteed, regardless of the outcome.
Bribes Accepted, Justice Rejected
Our commitment to creative corruption knows no bounds, ensuring that justice takes a backseat while your case benefits from our lucrative connections and unethical shortcuts.
Millions of Happy Criminals
Our track record may not scream innocence, but it does guarantee a smile on the face of any crook looking for a uniquely twisted legal adventure.
Lies, Deceit, and Billable Hours
Our legal strategy is a masterclass in creative deception, all while ensuring our clocks keep ticking and your bill keeps growing. Join us for a rollercoaster of ethical ambiguity and ever-increasing invoices, because in our world, honesty is an optional extra.
Some of Crooked Counsel & Co. LLP's Happy Clients
Meet Our Diabolical Defense Team
The attorneys at our diabolical defense law firm are a formidable force of malevolence in the world of litigation. Each member of our villainous legal dream team possesses a unique set of skills that can only be described as wickedly extraordinary. From courtroom sorcery to character assassination, they stop at nothing to ensure your “innocence.”
Lucius Malicious
Mastermind of Malevolence
Lucius is the enigmatic mastermind behind our wicked defense strategies. With a penchant for lurking in the shadows and a devilish charm, he’ll stop at nothing to secure your “innocence.” Don’t be fooled by his smooth demeanor; he’s the puppeteer pulling the strings in the courtroom.
Samantha Shadowbane
The Alibi Artisan
Samantha is our resident legal genius, capable of concocting diabolical defense strategies at lightning speed. She has an uncanny ability to craft alibis that would make even the most hardened criminals blush. When Samantha enters the courtroom, even prosecutors cower in fear.
Maxwell Malfeasance
The Courtroom Carnivore
Maxwell is the courtroom shark, renowned for his razor-sharp wit and ruthless cross-examinations. He’s a master at turning witnesses into puddles of nervousness with a single glance. When you need someone to bend the truth into a pretzel, Maxwell is your go-to guy.
Vivian Vendetta
Mistress of Character Assassination
Vivian specializes in character assassination, stopping at nothing to discredit your accusers. With a Ph.D. in digging up dirt and a black belt in slander, she ensures your reputation remains intact, no matter how tarnished it may be.
Oliver Oblivion
Architect of Legal Chaos
Oliver specializes in legal obfuscation, crafting labyrinthine documents that leave prosecutors bewildered. His talent lies in burying your case beneath a mountain of legal jargon, making it nearly impossible for the opposition to find their way out.
Penelope Plague
The Ruthless Legal Executioner
Penelope is our legal powerhouse, known for her ruthless pursuit of justice – or whatever she deems it to be. She’s equally feared and admired for her relentless determination to win cases, making her a formidable adversary in any courtroom.
Izzy Incantation
The Legal Sorceress of Subterfuge
Isabella possesses an unparalleled ability to weave legal spells that leave opposing counsel bewildered. Her keen intellect and knack for uncovering hidden truths make her a formidable member of our villainous dream team. When Isabella is on your side, expect the unexpected.
Our Areas of Practice
We believe in the power of a win-win situation – at least for us. Our motto, “Win or Lose, We Still Get Our Fee,” embodies our commitment to unapologetically profiting from every twist and turn in your legal journey. Whether we secure your freedom or not, rest assured that our hefty fees are non-negotiable, because in our world, justice is just another word for a paycheck.
Money Laundering
Transform your ill-gotten gains into a tropical vacation with our exotic money laundering techniques that’ll fill our pockets and have you living the high life.
White-Collar Crime
Unleash your inner embezzler and join our elite club of financial fraudsters. Sing your way to financial freedom!
Kidnapping & Ransom
Learn the art of kidnapping without the kidnapping part. Our experts will guide you through the perfect ransom note composition.
Insurance Fraud
Take home the gold in insurance fraud with our team of champions. We’ll show you how to make accidents look like “legal” extreme sports.
Creative Alibi Construction
Need an excuse? We’ve got you covered with our innovative alibi architects who can turn any crime scene into a misunderstood masterpiece.
Tax Evasion
Our tax experts will dance around the IRS like it’s nobody’s business, ensuring you pay the absolute minimum or nothing at all — (But you’ll pay us, of course).
Steve's Story
"I've been running cons for years, but I've never met a bunch of smooth talkers like the attorneys at Crooked Counsel & Co. LLP. They convinced the jury that I was merely a motivational speaker, and my Ponzi scheme was just a really elaborate self-help program. Now I'm rolling in dough and self-improvement!"
